Fear that I might encounter another dark Spirit, or that I might one day again know that something bad was happening, but be powerless to change it - these things kept me and my abilities at a distance for about three years.
Life went on. It has big ups, big downs, but mostly it was just fine. Looking back, though, I realize that I wasn’t whole. Fortunately, a few little things started the avalanche. We were having a company picnic at work, and the theme was vintage carnival. Someone expressed at the committee meeting that it would be really cool to have a fortune teller.
No one volunteered.
There were a few moments of silence, and without giving it too much thought (I swear it’s as if the words formed themselves and jumped out of my mouth) - I lifted a hand and said: "Uh, I’ll do it!"
I had a tarot deck after all, I had a crystal ball I could put on the table for ambience, and hey, I had to work at the picnic anyway, but if I was the fortune teller then I’d probably have some fun. This spur-of-the-moment volunteering ended up being the first catalyst in my journey. At first I had it all planned out. I would come up with a bunch of pre-developed, humorous fortunes, and I’d gaze into my crystal ball or put down a few cards, and provide some innocent entertainment.
But the more I started working with my cards, the more I realized that I couldn’t do that. I wanted to do it for real.
Fast forward a few weeks, the picnic was still a little ways off, and I was sitting on a friend’s porch. We were enjoying the good weather, just chit-chatting, eating some lychee, and again my mouth went off without my brain: “You know, if I could do anything and not worry about money, I think I’d be a fortune teller.” (Again, I didn’t know what a medium was at this point!)
But still, what was I talking about? Looking back at myself, I can’t believe I said that.
Looking back, I know it’s the truth, but at the time it was a very strange thing for me to say. I had never read tarot for others. I didn’t hardly understand how psychics worked, and I was absolutely ignorant of mediumship. But still, there was the statement: I want to be a fortune teller.
Now of course, I cringe at the term “fortune teller,” but back then I didn’t have the right words for what my heart and soul wanted. But soon I would.
When it came time for me to read tarot at the picnic, I used the book that came with the deck, but I also started using my intuition again. Actively and with intention. I’ll never forget, one woman asked me: “Will I be staying in this area for long?”
And I began to shuffle the cards. And I shuffled. And shuffled. I always wait for the deck to tell me when to stop, and this deck just didn’t want to stop on any of the cards. So I said to her: “None of these cards want to come out. That’s not really the question you want to ask, is it?”
And I was right. She paused. I felt the heaviness around her and in her words as she lowered her voice, adjusting her question: “Will I be staying with my husband?”
And that’s when everything started to click. The picnic fortune teller was a huge success - I had a neverending line of people to read, and I was kept at my table, reading, even as the rest of the picnic had to be packed up.
I wasn’t thinking about entities anymore, or if I would see something bad that couldn’t be stopped. I was in love with the feeling of being able to give people guidance, and hope. But there was still a long way for me to go.
To be continued and completed in Part 3: Crossing the Threshold (Coming Soon!)