If you follow this blog, you may already know that I'm not a fan of labels. As much as I dislike classifying souls and spiritual states into haves and have-nots, that doesn't change the fact that the spiritual community tends to care very deeply, and people who dip their toes into mediumship and tarot readings are perhaps even more concerned with what they have, or don't have.
Is John my soul mate?
When will I meet my twin flame?
What does my twin flame look like?
These are questions that I have gotten in the past, and I'm sure that I will get them in the future. So I'm going to give you my thoughts on twin flames and soul mates here, since in-the-middle-of-a-reading isn't really the best time for this discussion.
This is what I believe.
Soul mates are real. They are people that we are close to (romantically, non-romantically, in every flavor of relationships) from lifetime to lifetime. I believe we have lots of soul mates. Perhaps in this lifetime one may be your best friend, but in the last lifetime they were your husband. At the same time, another soul mate is who you are currently in a relationship with, and another soul mate altogether was someone you dated for four years before calling it off. You stick together with these people in each reincarnation because you either work well together, or you propel each other to grow. Some say that this is because you were created around the same time, resulting in similar vibrations, and I think that's a nice theory. Whatever the case, I don't believe in a One True Soul Mate. We all have several.
I suspect twin flames are a real thing, too. These are people that are as you might imagine, twin souls. They are created from the exact same soul matter, but are now two separate souls. It harkens a little to a popular mythological story.
“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”
― Plato, The Symposium
When twin flames come together it results in a very special relationship. I believe that when most people talk about soul mates, what they actually mean is their twin flame. I don't like this particular label because twin flames are heralded as being extremely rare, and extremely amazing. It sets up a hierarchy and if there's one thing that is in discord with my spiritual beliefs it's hierarchies.
But is there really anything wrong with these labels if people want to use them?
I'll be honest. No. And from here on out I'm only talking about the twin flame label because I think the soul mate classificiation is a valid distinction. And overall, there's nothing inherently wrong with the twin flame label if you believe that there's one very special relationship that trumps all others.
What's wrong with the "twin flame" label is the importance that people place on having one.
Here is some more honesty. Do you see that picture at the top of this blog post? The one with the pretty lady and the handsome man being goofy in their finest finery? That's me and my husband.
Are we soul mates? Certainly. That I feel in my bones. Our relationship isn't always easy, but it's always enlightening, always fun, and we are always pushing each other. I know that he cares deeply about my happiness, and I care deeply about his. I feel like this isn't our first go-around, and I love that we're together. We have big dreams, big plans, and we are always up for adventure. In a hundred little ways we complete each other. I believe that some of the closest friends I have are soul mates. Some of my family members are soul mates. And one guy that I dated very briefly in high school was a soul mate.
But in the spiritual community it's not soul mates that are so special, it's twin flames.
So by that measure, it's not really notable that my husband is my soul mate. The real question is...is my husband my twin flame?
Here's the honesty again: I don't know. I'm inclined to say yes, but I have a deep mistrust of absolute certainty. Out of all the souls on this Earth, is he the one that's the twin to mine?
I'm skirting this question not just because I'm wary of using the label, of backing myself into a corner, but also because I'm getting to my big point. Ready?
IT. DOESN'T. MATTER.
That's right. Whether or not my husband is my twin flame is the least of my concerns. And that's because I'm happy. Even when things aren't perfect, I'm happy, and that's not because I've settled - ask anyone who knows the details of my romantic history. I do not settle. I do not stick around past the second when I realize that this isn't someone I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
And so this is the best advice that I can give to anyone who is actively searching for their soul mate or twin flame: Stop. Please.
From everything that I know and understand about important relationships in our lifetimes, they happen because we were ready, not because we hunted them down. When you are at a stage of personal growth where the addition of an important relationship is what's going to propel you further, it will happen. But if you're too concerned with finding someone to complete you, then you're going to miss them. You won't be ready.
All you can really do is work on you. When you are energetically, emotionally, and mentally at a place where the addition of a soul mate or twin flame into your life is likely to be successful, then they are just going to appear out of thin air. I know that's weird, but seriously...that's how it works.
For this reason I highly advise that when seeking spiritual guidance on the subject of soul mates and twin flames, don't ask questions that start with "Who" or "When."
What is blocking me from experiencing this relationship?
What do I need to know about my soul mate / twin flame?
What can I expect when I am in a soul mate / twin flame relationship?
The answers to those questions will get you so much closer, so much faster, than if you try to keep your eyes peeled for a person that matches a description your psychic, tarot reader, or medium gave you.
These relationships are not rewards.
They are just relationships. Who you are, what you choose to do with your life...that's what really matters. So please, if you're lonely, then focus on you. Not only will you find greater happiness and peace, and cease to experience that loneliness that we associate with missing a partner, you'll also start attracting those relationships into your life.
It all starts with you. Not them, where they are, what they look like, or how you can find them. All of that hard work is going to be done for you if you can trust me when I say that finding your twin flame doesn't matter. Being the best, happiest, and most incredible version of you is what matters.